A Prayer for my Sons
For the Trump Era 2.0
The morning after the election, I, like so many others, rose to a day that felt at once perfectly ordinary and utterly incomprehensible. Like eight years ago, I was in disbelief about how this could happen. Unlike eight years ago, I had two young boys to take care of who would have absolutely no idea about what was going on.
So I woke up my sons. I sent one off to school with his dad and drove the other to the doctor for a check-up. I went grocery shopping. I made grilled cheese. I changed a poopy diaper and cleaned up after a still-learning three year old in the bathroom. I put away laundry.
In the one hour of babysitting time I had between one son’s doctor appointment and the other’s school pickup, I biked over to one of my favorite spots in Toledo: Black Kite Coffee. It sits across the street from our diocese’s cathedral, and I consider it to be a sacred space in itself. When I sit there on a weekday morning, I see a cross-section of our city: people of different races, ages, sexuality, gender identity, and socioeconomic status.
The fact that I chose to sit there in that coffee shop, looking out the window at the large, empty cathedral (which probably had its doors locked anyway) speaks for itself. It is there I went when I wanted to be near to those who might be feeling most afraid that morning. It is there I went when I wanted to write a prayer.
There has been a lot of reporting done about the gender gap in this year’s election. A lot of talk about fear for our daughters. I certainly related to the portion of this podcast about young women, and I have done a lot of thinking about that demographic. In a lot of ways, I felt way more prepared to be a mother to girls.
But as I absorb the news that our country has once again decided that we would rather elect Donald Trump than a woman to the presidency, I am acutely aware of the fact that God has instead given me two sons, and I am also afraid for them. I want to make sure that the hurt and anger that led to so many young men voting for Trump does not take root in them. I also want to make sure their idea of manhood does not come from that model.
I feel the need to acknowledge that much of the real hurt young men were feeling was economic – something that my boys will likely be shielded from through their privilege. But the gender roles ingrained in our society that tell men they need to be the sole providers, that they can use women as objects, and that they are threatened by the liberation of people not like them are present everywhere.
I’ve been working on this prayer in the weeks since the election, and it’s not perfect. It’s a little clunky. Much like my parenting. The truth is, it’s hard to find the right words (an embarrassing thing for a writer to admit!) But here it is, imperfections and all.
Dear God, While my sons are young, Please give them space to move, To play, And to make mistakes. Please help them to make friends who don’t look like them, And use their listening ears to learn from others. Help them to use their words, Even when others don’t. “I’m sorry” and “I was wrong” – To name just a few. I pray they don't learn too soon The violence of this world But that when they do, They let it break their heart. I pray it cracks right open, Never to close again; Never to harden into scar tissue That’s too stubborn to feel. I pray they see the pain of those around them; The kid sitting alone at lunch, The single parent working three jobs, The immigrant fleeing violence at home. I pray they learn to lose with integrity And love illogically. That they extend grace to others And also to themselves. I pray they learn from their parents To do things differently than the crowd. Help us to be brave enough to make hard choices And wise enough to let them make their own. I pray they listen to what the Lorax says – That unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, Nothing is going to get better, It’s not. But please help them to know Being a man doesn’t mean doing it alone. That they don’t have to save the whole world – Or even their own family – by themselves. I pray they can exhale And cry when they need, And link arms with women At school, at home, at work, or in Church. I pray they know all the ways They’re starting out ahead And that they learn to give up some of that lead, Because walking with others is more fun, anyway. Please help them to know they are loved And have nothing to prove. That they don’t need to earn it Through hard work or status. Help us to plant seeds And give them water and light, So when we hand them the watering can The roots of a better world Will be ready to grow. Amen.
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Yours,
P.S. On Election Day I shared some thoughts on my instagram about the “why” behind my vote. I’ve saved it as a highlight incase anyone is curious.
The Freedom to Choose by Yours Truly - A reflection about vocational discernment with a Harry Potter twist. P.S. Advent is approaching, and I contributed a couple of reflections to the daily Advent devotional they are compiling. You can sign up to receive those here, and you can subscribe to the normal weekly Substack here.
In a grandmother’s last moments, a glimpse of resurrection by Renée Roden - Renée wrote a beautiful essay about being by the side of both of her grandmothers in their last days. And after you read her essay, pre-order her book about Tantur, the ecumenical institute located in the outskirts of Jerusalem dedicated to seeking Christian unity. I can’t wait to read it in May!
Catholic Women Preach: Raising Voices, Renewing the Church - Cycle C - We are getting ready to start a new liturgical year, which means it is time for the last of the three Catholic Women Preach books that I worked on to hit the shelves. These are truly a great resource for anyone to pray with or use in ministry, and they make great Christmas presents! (I get 0% commission on these sales - I just really love these books).
Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver - Okay, I confess, I’m just short of halfway through this one (it is long!), but it feels relevant while discussing young boys. I’ve been listening to it as an audiobook, and sometimes I have a hard time with fiction books keeping my attention well enough for me to follow them while in the midst of chores, but this one has captivated me.
The Gender Election by The Daily - This is the podcast I referenced and linked to above (I do think it is for NYTimes subscribers only, so sorry if you can’t listen!). It also made me feel like we are living inside the plot of the Barbie movie. But I already knew Greta Gerwig is a genius – she tapped into the zeitgeist way before The Daily.